In my Fiction Writing class, my professor had all of the students rewrite seven sentences and to convey the same idea that the original sentences convey without coming right out and saying it. Here are the sentences she told us to rewrite and below each sentences are my rewritten sentences:
1. The little girl looked so tired that I knew it was naptime.
Once the peanut butter sandwich was eaten, four year old Andrea’s eyes became heavy as naptime approached.
2. I’ll never forget how I felt when Fluffy died. I was miserable.
My eyes were red from crying and mascara had stained the sides of my face. These are the details from Fluffy’s death that cling to my memory.
3. From the way she behaved in the crowded restaurant, you could tell Sally was attracted to the cute stranger in the black shirt. She tried a few things to get his attention, and eventually she succeeded.
Sally ran a hand through her electric blue hair, her brown eyes transfixed on the boy with the Black Keys t-shirt behind the counter at the coffee shop. She ordered a mocha latte and took off her jacket revealing that she was wearing a Black Keys t-shirt as well. He smiled at her as he took her order.
4. I like many different types of sports, from skiing to rock-climbing, but when it comes right down to it, I would have to say that ping-pong is my favorite sport.
There is no other sport quite like pin pong, I love the melodic sound of the ball hitting one paddle then skipping across the table to be hit yet again. I love that sound.
5. Stacia is very allergic to seafood.
Stacia stared at the salmon as if it were poison, her face contorted with apparent disgust. She knew if she ate the fish, her tongue would swell up and her face would break out but when she looked at her date and thought about how hard he had slaved to make the dinner, she slowly took a bite, fully aware of her fate.
6. Blaze knew that she was really in love with him.
Elise’s face was flushed as she nervously played with the ends of her auburn hair. Blaze felt uncomfortable, finally realizing that she was in love with him.
7. Mrs. Jackson was a self- righteous, religious fanatic.
Mrs. Jackson attended church every Sunday and Wednesday nights and has memorized every hymn and recited verses from the Bible whenever an opportunity presented itself. When she found out that I was an atheist, she promptly told me that I was going to hell.
